I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
