It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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