I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
