found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
