i may or may not be watching the land before time
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
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