the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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