just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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