3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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