he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
