I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
