Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I love having hate sex.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
