KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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