Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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