bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
