The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
