Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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