hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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