If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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