I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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