i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
