just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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