I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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