I can text with my tongue
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Let the clothes fall where they may.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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