it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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