I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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