another moral hangover. fuck.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
