I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
