it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
