break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
