Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
