He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
