just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
