This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
It was confusing and full of hummus
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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