The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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