who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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