Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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