South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
