I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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