I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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