I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Randomize
