Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
