I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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