Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
