I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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