Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
