What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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