i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
