she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
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