I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
