he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
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