And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
